Monday, January 21, 2013

When It Hurts Like Hell

On Friday, I got the news. "Uncle Dave's cancer is back. It doesn't look good." It was a crushing. Literally crushing. I love him so much. My whole family is so precious to me. I don't want him to go through this pain. My heart simply aches for him and the hours of treatment he has to endure in the upcoming months. It hurts.

Three years ago, I got the text, "I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore." After half a year of dating, 5 years of being graduation-party-sharing, death-twarting, "I'll-love-you-forever" best-friends, we had two fights and Matt informed me via TEXT MESSAGE that he was packing up his car, moving out, and launching on a road trip to "find himself." It was a breathtaking, gut-wrenching kind of pain.

Just over a year ago my good friend Ali was taken from life at the ripe old age of 26.

The list goes on. And on. And on.

Life hurts. It's a simple fact. There's nothing we can do to reverse that fact. But we can change our perspective. There is a purpose for the pain. It may not be a purpose that we are ever made aware of, but that doesn't make it any less real. Every experience is molding you, shaping you into the person you will become. The way we deal with pain can bring us to a place living closer to God, or can drag us away. Bitterness and frustration will never lead us to take part in the greater joy that God has planned for us. Trusting God and allowing Him to reveal His plans through the pain will ALWAYS lead us closer to Him, and to His Glory.

God has a plan for our lives.He knows what is happening. He knows why (Jeremiah 29:11). We don't need to understand. We need to trust (Isaiah 55:9-11). Something Pastor Steven Furtick said this past weekend, "Faith is believing God’s promise is bigger than your perhaps (or uncertainty)." Everything He does is with purpose. His plans are for good, to give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).  "God is standing for your future, in your present, redeeming your past," Pastor Furtick.

As I said, we may never know the purpose for the pain. Sometimes God reveals His plan down the road, sometimes he doesn't. I know that had I married Matt as I (not God) had planned, I would probably not have found my way back to His loving arms. I would probably be at rainbow-fests (or whatever they're called), doing ecstasy and painting my body like some sort of a fruit loop while wearing a panda-inspired fur hat.

If Ali had not been in that accident, I wouldn't have the passion for sharing Jesus' love with the people I care about, because I wish I'd taken the chance to with him.

I may never know the purpose for Uncle Dave's cancer.

But through the anguish, I trust my Savior. He will be with me always, though everything is falling apart, I will be safe in His arms (phenomenal song to be playing right now in Off The Leaf).

As for me, I will live for Him. Heart and soul. When things are good, when it hurts like hell. Heart and soul.

Always,
Jaci

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